Happiness and Grief

Hello Lovelies,

*phew* that´s another week full of turmoil and chaos. Where do I begin?

It´s been a pure emotional rollercoaster for RL me.

I haven´t mentioned it yet, but a friend from the StarWars Costuming scene died suddenly on Septembre 30th after a quite harsh attack of the infamous asshole named cancer. I thought I´d have handled it well cos I wasn´t too close with her even though we had some common interests (StarWars, Cosplay, horses, cats, roleplay).Her name was Petra and she just made it past her 50th birthday.

Now with that on my shoulders appearantly bring on last week.

Wedneday was Halloween which means Daves family gathers for a nice meal out in the old part of Cologne´s City Centre. It´s SO VERY FAR from the Halloweens I´ve spent in my twenties at an annual Horrorpunk concert called HELL NIGHTS, but I like it. I love his family as mine and it´s such a comfy, tasty evening.

Thursday was All Hallow´s Eve, where it´s a German tradition to go to the graveyard and visit those whose physical forms have gone. My body hurt like hell so I wasn´t able to leave the house. I felt very bad for this but I looked forward to Friday and a concert we would attend of Taylor Davis, a violinist whom we love dearly.

When I woke up on Friday morning I felt way better and was looking forward to an awesome day with Dave. That happiness was brutally interrupted when I opened my RL FB to learn a friend from the German Garrison has died – totally unexpected…. – I don´t know what happened for sure but… well… Boris is gone. I… I can´t believe it! We used to troop together and he was so … cool yet calming and spreading inner peace while rocking out with us… FUCK!

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Now I HATE these sayings like “he wouldn´t have wanted us to sit and cry and mope all day” but… yeah – it´s too true in this case so we went on with our day after I cried in Dave´s arms. We headed out to take care of some things then went to the Frankfurt Airport.

Don´t ask me why, we both have a thing for aeroplanes, airports, visitor terraces at airports, the whole deal. So…we went there and watched them land …and take off…, catch some Pokémon. Then all of a sudden – I was looking at Google Maps for the traffic and Dave asked me to put my phone away for a second.

I obliged of course, nothing is more important than my man wanting my attention. I scoulded myself for playing with it anyways. I asked what was up and he was silent. Dead silent. I jokingly put my leg over his so he couldn´t get up. When I took it down again he shifted weirdly and in the next second… well… he was on his knee.

HE PROPOSED TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It´s the simple silver ring. He got it a week earlier, lying to me about having to deal with programming stuff at work which was acting up (fucker!), paying cash and all that so I wouldn´t notice (SNEAKY fucker!).

But yeah. It´s a life-dream comming true for both of us. We´ll get married on May 16th, 2020.

Of course I couldn´t miss the opportunity to put a ring on Kasha´s hand, too, well she IS a part of me and yeah… cos I can?! (I´ll wear the engagement ring on the left hand, the wedding ring on the right hand. It´s the version I grew up with…)

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Style Card:


Truth – Ciara

Izzie´s – Tears for Catwa

*COCO* Halter Gown

*C:K* Simple Pearl Earrings

Props: FOXCITY. Photo Booth – Ballroom (Black, Multi Chandelier) (Rez) and [Bad Unicorn] 01 Hype-Beast Backdrop RARE at Backdrop City

Poses: Catwa Animation Hud Pose and HERAWOH 5

Now after another family dinner to celebrate Dave´s cousin´s sweet 16 (which was on Halloween) we thought this would be it for the hectic times and driving.

Sadly – it isn´t. On Tuesday night we got the news that his uncle passed away from a heart attack. WHAT?!!! We´ll have to go down to the southwest of Germany for the funeral on Tuesday morning. It´s gonna be so hard, I´ve only met Ulli once but it clicked immediately. It´s just not fair …I want to scream and cry all day but then I don´t feel I have the right to cos it´s not MY uncle. I REALLY wanted him to be at our wedding (I know he will… I´ll make sure the loved ones who left this earth will be there!) but… ARGH?!!!


Anyways – to quote Take That: Time is all we had but it was never ours to keep!

With that in mind … reach out to eachother! Do it! NOW! Call your parents, grandparents, tell them you love them, hug your partners, pets and kids… and say hi to new people.

If anybody wants to say hi I added my social media here.

Take care,





5 thoughts on “Happiness and Grief

  1. I am so sorry for your losses, i know how hard that can be having lost my mom this june suddenly to a blood infection.
    Congrats on the engagement!!! One thing, shouldn’t the date be May the 4th? I mean.. come on…

    Liked by 1 person

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